Background: In the Latter-day Saint faith, we are given "callings". They are assignments from our leaders (who are themselves assigned by others). We do not receive any money for fulfilling these assignments, but they shape us into better Christians.
My last assignment was 1st counselor in the Relief Society. I was basically the go-to helper for the lovely lady in charge of all the women in our congregation. I enjoy leadership callings. I grow and learn so much from them, and can feel the guidance of the Lord so often. </background>
When I moved for my internship, I was placed in a new congregation and given a new calling. "Music committee member".
Excitement doesn't begin to cover it. I love music. I love singing praises to my Lord and music in general.
I put together a choir. My heart filled with excited! I started passing around signup sheets and looking for good treat recipes. I browsed for music and found an awesome tune. Then we performed our first song at church. They sounded like angels, and it was amazing.
And then.
The dreaded question. The question that leads to pure terror. "Do you know how to play piano?"
Unfortunately, the same loving woman who insisted on my piano lessons also taught me not to lie. Thanks mom.
So I confessed. I enjoy playing piano, but I'm terrified to perform in front of people. I played piano in front of the congregation, shakily but willingly. It went tolerably.
So I decided to try the organ. Practicing wasn't terrible. I was mildly nervous for sacrament.
The prelude music went nicely.
Then the opening hymn...
And, worse still, the second hymn...
It was very, very terrible. The organ was so loud, magnifying every hesitation and missed flat by a factor of a million. The sounds echoed through the chapel for all the world to hear. I was exposed as a failure.
A secret about me: The only thing I hate more than failing is failing in public. Snakes over failing, any day of the week.
It was dreadful. How bad? Several people came up to me afterwards and told me how brave I was to come play the closing hymn as well. Someone even said, "I don't care what others say, I thought you did great." That's Mormon-speak for "You messed up, but we still love you."
I couldn't take it. I left the chapel after the song, weeping openly. The first time I have cried in public for several years.
I found an empty room, fell to my knees, and poured out my heart. "Why, Lord? Why on earth would You choose me for this? There are so many others who are better qualified. So many other ways I could serve You. What good is this calling doing for the ward?"
Softly, peacefully, the answer came. "This calling isn't for them. It's for you." Accompanied by a reminder of a scripture in the Book of Mormon.
My last assignment was 1st counselor in the Relief Society. I was basically the go-to helper for the lovely lady in charge of all the women in our congregation. I enjoy leadership callings. I grow and learn so much from them, and can feel the guidance of the Lord so often. </background>
When I moved for my internship, I was placed in a new congregation and given a new calling. "Music committee member".
Excitement doesn't begin to cover it. I love music. I love singing praises to my Lord and music in general.
I put together a choir. My heart filled with excited! I started passing around signup sheets and looking for good treat recipes. I browsed for music and found an awesome tune. Then we performed our first song at church. They sounded like angels, and it was amazing.
And then.
The dreaded question. The question that leads to pure terror. "Do you know how to play piano?"
Unfortunately, the same loving woman who insisted on my piano lessons also taught me not to lie. Thanks mom.
So I confessed. I enjoy playing piano, but I'm terrified to perform in front of people. I played piano in front of the congregation, shakily but willingly. It went tolerably.
So I decided to try the organ. Practicing wasn't terrible. I was mildly nervous for sacrament.
The prelude music went nicely.
Then the opening hymn...
And, worse still, the second hymn...
It was very, very terrible. The organ was so loud, magnifying every hesitation and missed flat by a factor of a million. The sounds echoed through the chapel for all the world to hear. I was exposed as a failure.
A secret about me: The only thing I hate more than failing is failing in public. Snakes over failing, any day of the week.
It was dreadful. How bad? Several people came up to me afterwards and told me how brave I was to come play the closing hymn as well. Someone even said, "I don't care what others say, I thought you did great." That's Mormon-speak for "You messed up, but we still love you."
I couldn't take it. I left the chapel after the song, weeping openly. The first time I have cried in public for several years.
I found an empty room, fell to my knees, and poured out my heart. "Why, Lord? Why on earth would You choose me for this? There are so many others who are better qualified. So many other ways I could serve You. What good is this calling doing for the ward?"
Softly, peacefully, the answer came. "This calling isn't for them. It's for you." Accompanied by a reminder of a scripture in the Book of Mormon.
"And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them. " -Ether 12:27
I am weak, but the Lord is strong. My Savior is great indeed.
- Tesla Webb
- Tesla Webb
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